


In Which, Aziraphale Discovers Crowley's Plant Related Habits

by Enj_y



Series: Silly One Shots with Ineffable Husbands, Crawly Jr. and Crowley's Houseplants [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley Live Together (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley are not yet married, Aziraphale and Crowley in Love (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens) Is Not Crowley (Supernatural), Crowley blubbered incoherently, Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Crowley is weak, Crowley's Plants (Good Omens), God Ships Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), God is the narrator, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I give up, I really don't know how to tag, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm Sorry, M/M, Please Kill Me, What Was I Thinking?, aziraphale says fuck, ok plz murder me, okay i'm going to stop stalling with tags and actually click the post button, others aren't, some of these tags are freeform, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 03:13:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20075173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enj_y/pseuds/Enj_y
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley had only recently moved in together, after the disastrous "Armaggedon't" fiasco. To make their room brighter, Aziraphale buys himself a house plant.





	In Which, Aziraphale Discovers Crowley's Plant Related Habits

**Author's Note:**

> Why did I write this. Why did I write this. Why. Whyyyyyyyyyyy. *stabs self in eye* 
> 
> MAJOR CREDIT to my good friend @mrmcweasel on tumblr for helping me edit this! He's such a lifesaver! (You should follow him ;D) (tell him en-jy sent him)

Aziraphale and Crowley had recently moved in together, not too long after the whole “Armageddon’t” disaster. Crowley was still furious, just about how Heaven had treated his beautiful, perfect Angel, and how that goddamn asshole, the Archangel Gabriel told him to, and he quotes here, “Shut your stupid mouth and die already.” And then had the nerve to SMILE! But it doesn’t matter. They both survived. They’re both alive. And they’re both together. That’s the most important thing, right? 

It hadn’t taken long to move in. Just a few miracles doesn’t hurt, right? And quite luckily for Crowley, after about two days straight of begging and arguing, he did, in the end, convince Aziraphale to share a room. 

“Heaven and Hell will not be pleased---”

“Angel, we burned that bridge a looooong time ago. We’re on our side now. We don’t need them, and it took me long enough to confess my fucking feelings to you so will you please work with me here? I am begging you and that is just plain demeaning.”

“Crowley… I love you.” 

“What?”

“I love you. You’re right----”

“I am?”

“I’ll share with you.” It took all of Crowley’s self control, which, if we’re being honest, he doesn’t have much, not to jump straight into Aziraphale’s arms and kiss him. Multiple times. He hated waiting, and 6000 years is a very long time. Anyway…

In an attempt to brighten up the new room, and in a rather confusing attempt to support Crowley’s… Hobby, Aziraphale bought a small houseplant to set on their dresser. He had one drawer for… Well… I mean honestly just either a pair of pajamas or his day clothes. Crowley on the other hand had filled up the entire closet, a walk in closet mind you, and the other 7 drawers. But, it is Crowley of course. Nanny dresses are heftier than they look. 

Every morning, Crowley, being the wonderful husband he is, drives Aziraphale to his book shop. 

“Dear, you really don’t have to do that.”

“Try and stop me.”

“Dear…” 

“Take your cocoa with you!!” If Crowley had not thought that Aziraphale might get very annoyed he would have leapt out of the car and kissed him, but he really didn’t want Aziraphale to change his mind about living together. What in the nine circles of hell would he do then? 

...Probably something stupid now that he thinks of it. 

When Crowley gets home, he starts his daily routine. By taking a nap. Well, Crowley doesn’t exactly sleep, so much as go into a coma for anywhere from an hour to an entire month. Or rather, go brain dead. Yes, that is a far better comparison. In this case, he goes to “sleep” for roughly an hour. When he wakes up, he begins with the plants. He shoots a glare at Aziraphale’s tiny plant that he had put on the dresser in the sun, and takes it with him. 

He takes out his plant mister, and begins spraying the plants, inspecting them carefully as he goes. 

“Is that a leaf spot?” He growls. It seems that one of his favourites has disappointed him. “I can’t believe this! Even from you.” He whirls around to face Aziraphale’s plant. “Now listen, you. I will have absolutely nothing but the best for my Angel. So listen up. You better not disappoint me, or worse, him. Because if you do, you will regret it.” He tucks the plant under his arm, and leaves the room. To make sure the plant will actually grow better, he replants it outside and gives it a nod. 

Later that day, at about 5pm, Crowley picked Aziraphale up at the bookshop. He strode in, a large grin on his face. 

“Hellloooo Aziraphale!” 

“Hello Crowley.” 

“How was your day, Angel?” 

“Lovely, thank you dear.” Crowley walks up to Aziraphale and kisses his cheek. Aziraphale responds in the way many people would in this situation, he rolls his eyes and kisses Crowley fully. Now, this may have been a mistake, as Crowley promptly faints. 

“Oh dear! Darling! Are you alright? Dearest?” 

“Wha….?”

“Crowley! Are you okay?”

Crowley blubbers incoherently, as Aziraphale continues to fret. “Darling??” 

“You kissed meeee….”

“Um, yes? I love you.” Crowley promptly burst into tears. 

“I love you tooooooooo!!” 

“Darling… Please get off the floor…” Aziraphale helps him to his feet, as Crowley drapes himself over Aziraphale’s shoulder.

“I love youuuu.”

“Darling, come on. Let’s get to the car.” For the first time in months, Aziraphale flips the sign on the door to his bookshop to ‘Closed!’ Or… The first time in months he’s actually bothered. 

Crowley blasts his music even louder as possible, still practically high from Aziraphale’s affection. “Angel will you say it again?”

“Say what, dear?”

“Say you love me again.”

“I love you.”

“Again..”

“I love you.”

“One more time please?”

“I love—KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, MY GOODNESS!” This was a fair request as Crowley’s eyes had begun watering and he was pushing 100 miles an hour. In central London. So, just a little bit faster than normal! 

“Crowley, I love you, but please don’t get us both…. Inconveniently discorporated!” 

“I’m sorryyyy…” Crowley burst into tears again. 

“Dear… Oh, goddammit.” Well, maybe I will later, but Aziraphale performs a miracle in order to get them home. “Come on dear. Let’s lie down.” Crowley drags his feet behind him, certain he’s going to be told off. 

“Zira… I’m so so sorry…”

“Dear, that’s not what I’m mad about! I’m not mad actually, I don’t know why I said that.. But please don’t get us both discorporated! We’ll be killed!”

“I’m sorryyyyyyyy….”

“Darling…” Crowley had thrown himself on the bed. “Do you want to go to sleep?” Crowley nods slowly, burying his face in the pillow. Aziraphale wraps an arm around him and holds him throughout the entire night. 

The next morning, Aziraphale simply miracles himself into work, letting Crowley sleep. Of course, Crowley was rather relieved, convinced that he had really mucked things up yesterday. After another hour of crying in bed, he eventually got up to take care of the plants. None of the plants had leaf spots that day and he gave them an approving nod. 

“Good work. You could always be growing better, but not bad.” He glared at Aziraphale’s plant. “You.. I’ve already disappointed him enough. If you disappoint him, I will destroy you.” Normally, Crowley was simply putting the fear of himself into them in order to have them behave better, much like I do, but this time Crowley really meant it. If that plant had so much as a RIP in it he would tear it apart. He really didn’t like hurting his plants, but he had already made Aziraphale as upset as was ever acceptable, and that plant had better behave or it would regret it. 

The next few days were largely the same, and Crowley still loved hearing Aziraphale tell him he loves him. It was practically magical! The feeling of value, and that someone really cares about him? He hadn’t felt that in a very long time, and having that come from the person he would give anything for? One of the best things. Ever. Plain and simple.

Crowley spent a fair bit of time hanging out with the plants, engaging in casual conversation. It was one sided, but he still enjoyed it. It was wonderful how well they were growing. He wondered why they had begun to grow so beautifully, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain about that part. However, this string of good luck was about to come to an unfortunate end. 

The next day, when Crowley went down, he was greeted with a very nasty surprise. Aziraphale’s plant had a spot. A massive spot. He first sprayed down the other plants, trying to keep his anger down. He found another plant with a spot and did his usual business, replanting it outside. He decided to take another few minutes to speak with the outside plants to see how they were doing. They never spoke back of course. They were only plants. Then Crowley went back inside to deal with Aziraphale’s plant. He strode angrily into the room, sweeping up the pot and practically stomping out to the counter. 

“So. You decided to go and get a spot. I have warned you. So. Many. Times. You know the consequences. And yet what did you do? You disappointed me.” He paced back and forth in front of the plant angrily, trying to decide what to do. He couldn’t replant it. This was Aziraphale’s plant, and it had fucked up. It had thoroughly disappointed him with its behavior, and what was Crowley to do? He honestly didn’t have it in him to destroy the plant… So what would he do? And after a week of flawlessness, Aziraphale was sure to be upset. 

“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…” He glared at the pot, trying to think of a suitable punishment for the plant. After all, disappointing both him and Aziraphale? That was practically unforgivable. He supposes he could destroy the plant, but he hated doing that. Maybe it was silly, but sometimes he felt that plants have feelings. Of course, they don't, but Crowley has gotten very close to humanity to the point that he has apologized to actual stuffed animals in the past. But now... He was practically seeing red. He gripped the plant by its pot and brought it up to his face. 

"Now listen here you bastard. I've said this already, you've disappointed me, but this is just... This is going to hurt you just as much as it will hurt me. Probably more." Unbeknownst to Crowley at that moment Aziraphale was about to miracle himself home as a surprise for Crowley. He even bought flowers! He really hoped that Crowley would like them.

"Goodness... What am I going to do with you?" Aziraphale miracled himself home at that exact moment and stood in surprise as he watched Crowley pace around in front of his plant and... threaten it? He honestly wasn't sure. "I normally just replant the misbehaving ones outside.. Hmm... Why don't I actually carry through with the threats I give you all?" Aziraphale took a step forward in confusion. 

"Crowley? Darling?" He asked, near silent. 

"You screwed up big time! You deserve this." Crowley was simply saying these things to sike himself up. It should not have been this hard to get rid of the plant but it was. Ridiculous. "You disappointed my Angel..."

"Crowley! Dear! This is all very wonderful and kind of you... But what the fuck?" Aziraphale had raised his voice slightly and Crowley turned, rather dramatically, to face his husband. 

"Oh. Aziraphale.. Hi."

"Hi. What the hell is happening here?"

"Well you know how they say if you talk to plants they grow better?"

"You are threatening that plant!" 

"Yes? It makes them grow better?" 

"I literally have no idea what to say to you..." Normally after saying something like that Aziraphale would talk for another half hour, but this time he really was speechless. (A real surprise to everyone involved. Though, to be fair, it was just the two of them.)

"I.. I'm sorry... Do you want me to put it back...?"

"What do you normally do with the... offending plant?"

"Replant it outside."

"Would you do that? That little one was doing so well. I would hate to see all your hard work on the plants go to waste." 

"Oh.. Of course angel." 

Crowley went outside and replanted Aziraphale's plant, patting all of the other plants affectionately on his way back inside. Contrary to what Crowley had initially believed, this was the first time that Aziraphale had ever heard of/seen how Crowley gets his plants to be so exquisite. He was quite prepared for Aziraphale to be angry, but of course he wasn't. Aziraphale was never angry with him. It was really quite wonderful.

Crowley did keep threatening his plants, and also kept never following through, and Aziraphale just sort of accepted it as normal, and gave the plants outside soft encouragement. Together, the two of them might just have the best plants in the whole world.

**Author's Note:**

> HOW DID YOU MAKE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH????
> 
> If, for some strange reason, you want more awkwardness from me please do follow me on tumblr at en-jy! This series right now is only going to have three works, but if you either have ideas for more or ENJOY them for a reason I will never understand, please do tell me! Especially the ideas! Once again, a huuuuuuge thank you to my dear friend @mrmcweasel for helping edit this and dealing with my general insanity!! Also you can find me on tumblr @en-jy. where, if enough people care, I might post sneak peaks and updates and that sort of stuff. Thanks for reading!


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